I'm Panicking!

So, I do great on my placement exams, and then classes start. I'm so behind and pathetic! I need help! My teacher totally called me out in front of the class to do this problem, and I did it wrong. The WHOLE CLASS agreed that my solution was wrong, and I was mortified! Mortified! In my other grad class, I'm already behind because I never took biochemistry. It wasn't required, and yet, I'm behind because I didn't take it.

I feel like crap. How is this happening to me when I was always one of the best students? I nearly cried in the class where I got that problem wrong. I stopped myself from crying, but I still feel like I need to find a way to stop myself from crying more effectively, at least in front of people. Because I almost cried, and I don't want to be that girl anymore. I want to be stronger, I want to be the person who can get angry instead of crying or find some other way to either channel my emotions or not have them. At least in school/work situations.

Did I make the right decision to go to grad school? I feel like I did, but this is all so overwhelming. I'm glad I have Annmarie to talk to about this stuff...we're so similar.

You know what's really weird? I've been noticing babies more lately, and NOT grimacing with horror. I think I might actually want kids. Just 2. So that they're neither spoiled or overlooked... I don't really believe anything 'happens for a reason', but what if we had kids soon? I could stay in Hawaii for the next two years, and we could start a family. That's so weird! The other day, I was at a store, and I actually walked around the infant/toddler section, and I found myself smiling at the little duckies and stuff. I'm not ready yet, but I guess I've started thinking about it. Are Tim and I ready for kids?? He's too domineering; I hate that, and it's always been at the back of my mind. I also don't feel like I could REALLY count on him to be there for me. He's too "my way or the highway" and I know he's always looking out for himself first. I can't have a kid with someone like that. So how can I be with him period? I love him, and I love being with him, but there are things that I can't overlook when there's more than my life at stake. However, I am at a point in my life that I could provide for 2 if anything happened. I don't want that though; who does? How am I even considering all of this??? It's too much! Is it just because I feel helpless at school? I don't think so; the infant section mishap happened before any of this. God help me, if there is one.