It's been So Long!

It's been a very long time since I blogged. A year, in fact. I have been applying for jobs in Hawaii and on the mainland, but have only heard from the jobs in Hawaii that I'm really not crazy about. It would just be to pass the time until Tim got restationed, to God Knows Where. Argh!

Just to fill in the cracks since I last wrote, I quit graduate school because we were expected to work 60 hours a week and I was not living my life because of it. You have to have some balance. Also, things with Tim have not been good. We argue, where we never argued before. The difference, you ask? The difference is that I'm growing a spine. For the longest time, I would be quiet and not express my feelings if Tim did something that bothered me, but I have been trying to voice myself. How can you have a relationship if the other person doesn't know you, doesn't respect you, and doesn't want to?

Oh trust me, I have berated myself for this relationship, I have seriously thought about leaving, and I still am. He promised to treat me so wonderfully that I would never want to leave. Well, it lasted about a month. Then Mr Hyde arrived again. Forget it! I want to be done with the disrespect, the wondering if he cheated on me (which I probably deserve considering how the relationship started), the obligation sex! The obligation sex is the worst!! Boooriiiing. Yes, I know that's terrible and it shouldn't be said, but this is my blog and I need to vent!! So here it is, the question: Should I leave him for good? He was desperate when I told him I was going to leave, and it made me think he wants this so badly that maybe he can change. But he can't really, can he? After his fear of me leaving wore off, things went right back to normal. I think I just want to find a job on the mainland and move there all by myself. it's just so hard to find a job there until you actually live there. Employers don't want to fly you out to interview you or worry about relocation costs if they do hire you. Bleh. I think perhaps the only way to do this is to dive right in, move, and try to find a job. But it's so scary. What if you don't find a job for months? I have some money, but not several months' worth.