The List

Tim keeps saying that if leaving is hard for me, maybe I shouldn't be going. I know better, but it does seem counterintuitive. He said he wanted me to stay here as long as I would, of course this was after accusing me of "sponging" off him, and saying that I was laying around here getting fatter every day. Cool. I'm putting together a list so that when I look back ad remember the good times, I will also be able to see the bad.

1. He makes me feel guilty if he doesn't get sex every night.
2. He demands attention nearly constantly.
3. He doesn't consider my wants/needs when making big decisions, like where to live.
4. He says really nasty things when mad (see above)
5. He wanted to keep our finances separate all the years I was dead-ass broke, and going to school and working full time.
6. He doesn't brush his tongue when he brushes his teeth, resulting in the most foul smell, a visible coating of plaque on his tongue, and the grossest slimy texture when kissing.
7. I can smell his breath 6 feet away in the morning before he brushes his teeth, which usually takes several hours, and he proceeds to give me open-mouth kisses with said breath.
8. He only makes concessions (like a cat) when he thinks I'm leaving.
9. He freaks out if I want to go out with friends without him.
10. He's condescending.
11. He said because the AF gives half retirement pay to the spouse of a retiree who's been with them at least ten years, he would get out early just to spite said spouse.
12. He's mean to servers and customer service people, and says things loudly in public about people in his immediate surroundings.
13. He cheats (emotionally if not physically), lies, and time after time breaks my trust and then makes ME feel bad because I'm "destroying us."

I shipped the last of my boxes today. I think I've singlehandedly kept the post office in business for the year. I know I've spent more than $200 by now, but I guess that's not that bad. I have to ship my car tomorrow. I'm glad it's going with me, but now I have to worry about insurance and stuff. I hope I get a job quickly. Over the course of throwing things out and shipping things, I've thrown out/given away about 10 full trash bags of stuff. I don't want to part with one more thing. I can't bear it. Moving sucks. I have to decide whether to keep or throw away old letters Tim sent me. I'm leaning toward throwing them away.